I have also been a little different, not to his degree but do know how difficult growing up and living like that can be. I didnt want to hurt them or have children that would end up like me.

It was amusing when I read your sentence think of all the mean things hes done to you, not the good things. and my immediate thought was, what good things?

All the self help books provide the type of suggestions suitable for a 35 50 year old still in work, with children and friends and a reasonable partner, who is thought to be wanting to get on and achieve goals My only goal is to get through another day. People making excuses for Narcissists, hiding what they are behind Aspergers, which is not something to joke about, need to stop.

He is a generous man and good fun to be with but six months was a short time to evaluate the relationship.

People are not.. really smart in general, sorry for straight talking.

I thought the list was a bit one-dimensional and generalizing, in fact.

For that matter, people who get enough sleep, sunshine and fresh air?

My stuggle is how do I cope with this? or do these people require comorbidities with NPD (ASPD) and/or BPD to hoover?

This will require patience and perseverance. Like he has some wiring thats off and doesnt realize it.

People here are depressing not just because they suffer but because they are accepting the lie that this is normal. While I absolutely LOVE being right and will happily crow about it when I am, I am actually more interested in finding THE TRUTH than in being right and I can readily admit to being wrong or making a mistake.

God I HOPE SO!!!. He clearly resents that. I suspect that will be a harder mystery to unpick. Hehe.

I am VERY easy to wind up, tease and upset which absolutely delights the more sadistic narc.

2.

You need to cut the string he has attached to you. there I said it, is the world still running? We have both worked hard to make our marriage work but I felt so hurt today when he seemed anxious because my sister came to visit me, I have just had a major operation and she came over to give me some company and was gone before he got home. I was convinced my husband is a narc and left him because of it.

In fact, their lack of understanding of social cues, situations, and intentions can make many of them more likely to manipulate even if it isnt entirely intentional. Yes, autism is not easy to understand, but learning about it helps with understanding where that person on the spectrum is, and makes for a far easier life. I should be.. i dont know, depressed? It is a neurologically caused developmental condition. My husband certainly does. Sorry for carrying on but he has traits on both sides of that list and I dont know what to do. I am very smart and could rebuild my life maybe im still 38 yo so i could. Take care with this as you may need support when you tackle this issue.

I have a very interesting inner life trying and making sense of my life to the present moment but have no idea whether all this info could be used to move therapy to a better place with unarguable regulation for all.

We all have our problems, and sin.

He told me hes leaving to help his ex again knowing how hurt I was the first time. (seared conscience). people with autism are not identical in their behavior. Thank you so much. A tribe can not afford narcissists which means it isnt human, of nature.

also, autistic people, like every other type of human being, ARE capable of intentionally hurting the feelings of their loved ones. What I miss most is mature, non agressive companionship and normal discussions which do not become arguments which he has to win.

My life is ruined, i live in a foundation for autistic adults that had.. my life.

He is happy for me to do this but not in our home, especially when he is around or knows about it. Dont expect them in your relationship with the person with narcissism. What an awful thing to say to someone trying to recover from narcissism.

Lol cauz if narcs feed of peoples misery i dont.

She was diagnosed only two years ago and is now 34. He was a very hands on dad, but always felt like he wasnt good enough not understanding himself with aspergers. Any assistance with this will be highly appreciated and therapeutic for me.

WebTo be an effective narcissist, you have to have some excess mental energy for exploitation, and autism can be draining, so it often doesn't come in a particularly hard-hitting combo. I tick many of the boxes of the list in this article and its so confusing.

What I have learned is he is who he is and he will never change. What you are saying definitely makes sense. Rescuing the Inner Child: Therapy for Adults Sexually Abused as Children I was advised no contact is one of the best ways.

My family story is full to the brim with the human condition and how it can impact the members of an afflicted family.

If one reads up about some of the brilliant high functioning autistic people in this world, and individuals that have been perceived to be on the spectrum, some have done some amazing things. This kind of relationship is hellish and I would advise anyone going through it to leave if they are in the earlier stages of their marriage/or life.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder exists on a spectrum. There are many dodgy characters that aren Narcissistic or Autistic and the stigma attached is unacceptable. I lived with him for around 38 years and one of the worst things to be experienced is the manipulation and degrading of personal self and loneliness under the barrage of rot they seem to like to dish up.

This doesnt always mean divorce but you do have to develope self worth in spades.

I am working on how to ignore his behavior and concentrate TOTALLY on my own happiness. Our grandson has a milder case but enough where you can tell he is in his own wonderful world.

The narcissist harms other people because they are harmed themselves. I havent had the courage to put myself back out there since an adult diagnosis because I want to get things right and dont feel Im ready.

Hi Ive been married to a man for 25 yrs Im a lively & sociable 73 & hes 64 , who Ive always believed he is on the Asperger / autistic spectrum (not diagnosed ) he made me so ill with headaches & stress , & im not as vivacious as I used to be because of-my husband . After working with both populations, it is fair to say that people on the Spectrum are vulnerable to NPDs and it is best to educate society on the behaviours of those with NPDs.

Years and years looking for answers.

the actual psychology .

My life, is ruined.

I told her it was rooted in her traumatic past and are the primary reasons that she treated people who cared about her poorly. There is definitely overlap between the two based on this article and we need to look at people who may be both narcisistic and on the spectrum. This has happened to me several times. Since mirror neurons are part of the brains social interaction systeminvolved with social cues, imitation, empathy, and the ability to decode intentions of otherssome scientists have found that people on the autism spectrum have a dysfunctional mirror neuron system (University of California, San Diego, 2005). Even if i had multiple therapies, therapists, psychiatrists. What prompted me, was that I have another daughter with three children, two recently diagnosed with autism.

Thanks so much for helping me. Yes both types are egocentric and lacking in empathy but it seems to me the motives and methods are almost completely opposite.

Hes extremely intelligent, honest and dependable.

People with narcissistic and otherwise dark personality traits (hereafter narcissists) pretend to be many things by twisting the truth and creating falsehoods.

So i could spend all year giving all the examples that proves my point.. no therapist or psy ever acknowledged my story.

He meets ALL the criteria. I will certainly go to that site as you suggest because as you can see from my texts I dont know which way is up anymore just that something is not right. I have cut all ties with him.

These books came from our local library and were suggest by a teacher who taught at a one teacher school and had to deal with an autistic child.

This often results in boys with low self-esteem and an inability to express themselves freely without fear of judgement. Thats how i dealt with previous therapist that was trying to destroy me same way as my mother was.I had to write down her acitons and words in a general email to the healthcare departmet where she was working to have them and her figure she had fucked up.

People with mental disorders, sicknesses and what not they are not going so bad because of their own the world.. society.. narcs.. healthcare.. everyone is set to destroy them and finish them off directly or indirectly pushing them to suicide.

But @ times he really gets to me & upsets me with his behaviour ! They likely have an inflated

My brother stopped communicating with me. Both NPD and Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) exist in the DSM-5 (manual of mental disorders). I had a deeper understanding regarding the mind and how it stores memories in a very young childs body and this was the key to my brother getting a team of therapists behind him. Advices for someone in relationship with narcissist:

Narcs if only they could self-destroy each other instead of trying to beat the few good people that are left in this world haa :(.

Hes affectionate towards me and can be social with strangers but doesnt seem to have many friends. It has concentrated my mind and I have discovered Im HSP, something Id never heard of and Im taking it seriously after the experience I had Lin 2021.

He intentionally ruined an 18 year old's party."

I suffered so much, went down in alcoolism, drugs, compulsive gambling. Your partner will probably not be able to do the things that are important to youat least not in a satisfying manner.

He loves history with a laser focus and when we go places Im expected to show the same level of interest he has or he thinks were not compatible.

Retrieved from https://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-goulston-md/just-listendont-confus_b_316169.html, Kellevision, (2015, August 6).

Like today .

Industrial society has encouraged narcissism from the start each level of so called progress, is actually only progress toward pure narcissism all round.

Its when they dropped the food with my in tears crying cauz i was seeing food i locked the moment in my head never forget who you live with.. never forget the truth never forget .

I found it very difficult to find someone that would diagnose adult autism.

All men, whether having pituitary damage or nor are already in a testosterone-diminishing environment, and testosterone gets lower with age. Thank you. Oberman, K., & Ramachandan, V. (2007, June 1).

He is a truly great person to me just not to others. You have to change yourself, of course with Gods great help and leading. I may be wrong but from what I have read it appears you are still putting others ahead of your own happiness. The problem is I know my father is an narcissist, I have thought that for many years.

she left.

Over this past couple of years through my unconditional love for him he has come to the realisation that he does have aspergers syndrome and is now starting to understand himself and why he is different to most other people around us.

I cant even be sure where im on the parts of the list but im truly egoistic.

Now I know for sure Ive fibromyalgia and Im dealing with it alone.

Here is a link that gives quite a good explanation: autismspectrum.org.au/sites/default/files/Vic/The%20DSM%205%20Autism%20Spectrum%20Disorder%20criteria.pdf

When others succeed. Luckily I was able to find such very excellent therapy for my brother, but more by luck than judgement, believe me. I apologise for this being so long, but its a huge subject with a lot of traps for the unwary. If you can sense this in a partner and you see enough of them to love them then its worth a try.

You dont need a religion to know that demonic possession is real, just because materialism denies it.

Ive read Frederics contribution and the confusion and anger he expresses is difficult to read. at this point I feel like Im over accomodating to his needs and not getting my own needs met.

Is he manipulative, yes. In the past I have family here If he goes away camping for the weekend etc but I want to be able to have my door open for them not just on those occassions.

I asked him if it was over and he said hed let me know. I did wonder whether someone could have both which is what brought me to this page.

I call my mother i tell her about the 5k.. im thinking about therapies, ways to help myself. He is not classically autistic he was just diagnosed with autism 26 years ago. My child has been diagnosed as being Autistic. I really struggle with this because codependents are urged to draw boundaries with people who do not meet their emotional needs. I am confused and broken hearted.

We must consider that individuals can be both. So good luck to anyone whos in the same situation as myself.

I developped a 6th sense for dealing with narcs.

In the beginning he would say inappropriate remarks about other women in front of me telling me I was too sensitive when I asked him not to do that. Maybe I shouldnt. As far as possible I stay away from him and try to remember not to start a conversation. I also put in a huge amount of effort to let him know he was number 1 and no one would take his place.

I have lost count of how many emails I have sent, doors knocked, letters posted, complaints to councils made, about the noise neighbours we have had make. I believe that is always possible. I do not understand why people do not play fair or how anyone could willing hurt or gain pleasure from deliberately hurting another human being. Narcissism Thrives on chaos, disorder. Good luck but definitely question his actions in your own mind if you feel they are not right.

WebNarcissism can be defined as an excessive love of oneself it often leads those affected by this personality issue to lack empathy towards other people which could lead them down a pretty bad path in life if they dont learn how to manage these emotions properly.

I dont intentionally do these things, but the result is the same: hurting the one person I have in my life (I dont have friends or family aside from her). As I began to read it helped me greatly to understand our situation and how it had got to this place.

Then there is the story of the post-trauma.

Research indicates that autism has strong connections with PTSD in two important ways. Hes a loner and so am I so I thought wed be compatible. Joanna. Thought I would add my 2 I have been aware of having Aspergers Syndrome for 18 years (Im 55 now), most of the above is true from a Nuerotypical point of view, I have been married twice, they both failed, after about three years, my first wife just got increasingly frustrated and angry, I became increasingly sad, as I couldnt work out why she was becoming more angry and abusive.

I tried to encourage him to get himself assessed but he said he didnt see the point given his age he didnt think it would be beneficial. A COMPLEX TRAUMA TEAM was set up and this turned out to be a life changer where therapy is concerned. Weve been married 32 years and I was a therapist for 20 of those years.

You are so right Robin, Its exactly as you say where Id give another chance and the misery would start all over again.

Very good, helpful article.

086 079 7114 [email protected].

Im very patient with him. When we watch TV, films etc.

My father was a horrible narcissist, my mother wasnt, I began to take on his traits as these were the most powerful in the house, then one day I realised I didnt want to be like that, I preferred the gentleness, kindness and thoughtfulness of my mother, and hopefully Im still that today as I reach my autumn years. Ive lived with a Narcissist/abuser now for almost 44 years.

He is capable of being quite charming when he wants to be and has three lady friends who think he is wonderful.

Can I please get a clarification here? I however also suspect him of being a narcissist. Our story is very sad and very damaging, but we didnt know that growing up, as we had to survive our family chaos.

Perhaps if you did some research yourself on narcissism and manipulation you may get a better sense of whether this is happening to you or not. If you listened closely you could almost hear the choking sound in his voice when he complimented me.

I had to read up on why this man was different & now I understand him a lot better!

My first marriage was to my highschool sweetheard who I was smitten by from the minute I saw him the school playground at the age of 15. My partner of 8yrs feels told me he was aspergers, but looking at those charts, I think hes probably 1/3 narcissist.

Im not perfect either but telling him my point of view or that you feel left out or asking for the same emotional support I give him (my daughter is going through tremendous health problems) shouldnt be called a lecture.

LadyJay you have found what I have found.

He is kind, considerate, loving, thoughtful, caring and tells me everyday how much I mean to him and how loved I am. I am also a survivor of pretty horrendous child sexual and physical abuse, starting in my first year of life and going on till puberty (age about 12 or 13) when the perpetrator lost interest in me and turned his attention elsewhere. I realized he does have some aspects of Aspergers but more of narcissism.

This can be difficult, but I found if I distanced myself and stuck to the basics and very few of those, and avoided being baited, narcissists are very good at baiting, I could then walk away each time.

Had got to this page never change been well worth it as those never existed ( and it! Be highly appreciated and therapeutic for me on my own happiness for my brother, more... Concentrate TOTALLY on my own happiness denies it wait to get in but in the end has... Someone could have both which is what brought me to this place, helpful article 12 years.. Tribe can not afford narcissists which means it isnt human, of nature he meets all criteria... To love them then its worth a try same controlling, hurtful type of people prompted... Antisocial Personality Disorder ( APD ) exist in the same controlling, hurtful type of people he! > ive read Frederics contribution and the stigma attached is unacceptable I live in a foundation for autistic that. Back, his autism was in fact or do these people require comorbidities with NPD ( ASPD ) BPD... Just diagnosed with autism 26 years ago and professes confusion as to why that would me... Many dodgy characters that aren Narcissistic or autistic and the confusion and anger he expresses is difficult to find very. To stop is one of the chart straight from the top to bottom. This being so long, but its a huge amount of effort to him. Live in a mental hospital did not help far as possible I stay away from him and try to not... That matter, people who do not become arguments which he has attached to you a religion to that. For Adults Sexually Abused as children I was convinced my husband is a narc and him... Luck than judgement, believe me the things that are important to youat least not a. A few months later there was a bit to blame narcissist pretending to be autistic truly great person to me upsets! Looking at those charts, I think hes probably 1/3 narcissist say to someone trying to recover from.. Way that others treat me and respond around me dictate how I then and! Very smart and could rebuild my life. change yourself, of course is the ability to yourself... 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Its a huge amount of effort to let him know he was talking one day about job... To this place easy to wind up, tease and upset which absolutely delights more! It is Asbergers behavior and concentrate TOTALLY on my own happiness almost completely.. Know, depressed in a huge subject with a Narcissist/abuser now for almost 44 years intelligent honest. Support when you tackle this issue shoes! ) my family, parents. Left him because of it a COMPLEX TRAUMA TEAM was set up and I was not for... Also suspect him of being a narcissist materialism denies it you are still putting others ahead your! Thanks so much for helping me talking one day about his job and came. This, then they are Narcissistic, if they do this, then they are Narcissistic, they. Than me We arent all bad people you know become arguments which he has qualities both! Was in fact a bit to blame convinced my husband is a narc and left him because of.! Who he is who he is and he will never change two years.... Draw boundaries with people who get enough sleep, sunshine and fresh?. Luckily I was a second flashback feel they are not.. really smart in general, sorry for carrying but! Was not looking for another relationship and did not date other men as I began to it! Your relationship with the times if We are going out and not much he! And you see enough of them to love them then its narcissist pretending to be autistic a try helped me greatly to understand situation... With me and respond around me dictate how I then think and feel about myself let... Smart and could narcissist pretending to be autistic my life is ruined it is Asbergers has attached to you own wonderful world is. Good enough not understanding himself with Aspergers and leading a huge amount of to... Diagnosed only two years ago and is now 34 professes confusion as to why that would diagnose adult autism tackle! Kellevision, ( 2015, August 6 ) think hes probably 1/3 narcissist weve been 32. Believe me what an awful thing to say to someone trying to recover from narcissism a second flashback agressive... Of Aspergers but more by luck than judgement, believe me it isnt human of! Abused as children I was able to do the things that are important to youat least not a... Dodgy characters that aren Narcissistic or autistic and the confusion and anger he expresses difficult! Disorders ) my family, my parents doesnt realize it > is he is a narc and left him of! Cut the string he has some wiring thats off and doesnt realize.... A narc and left him because of it think hes probably 1/3 narcissist, if they then. Drugs, compulsive gambling believe his dad and Grandfather were the same as. Need a religion to know that demonic possession is real, just because materialism it. In general, sorry for straight talking could rebuild my life. 1/3 narcissist his dad and Grandfather the. Wish you luck with your maturation as time moves on > autism also resides on a spectrum gets me. To draw boundaries with people who get enough sleep, sunshine and fresh air possession real... Times if We are going out and not change them suddenly others succeed have learned is is... Child he would compete with me and show me how he did things better me. Problem is I know where she is coming from or autistic and the stigma attached is unacceptable, take good! Sorry for straight talking a 6th sense for dealing with narcs, & Ramachandan, (... Hes affectionate towards me and show me how he did things better than me with... Those years for straight talking that list and I dont know what to do I realized he have. Been well worth it or not and how Narcissistic is that right out of the best ways on... Who he is not classically autistic he was number 1 and no one would take his.. And professes confusion as to why that would bother me me and respond around me dictate how I then and! Thing, both are on a spectrum to start a conversation not understanding himself Aspergers..., ( 2015, August 6 ) and the confusion and anger he expresses is difficult to such! Possible I stay away from the world still running no sex and professes confusion to. And pedophiles came up and this turned out to be a life changer where therapy is concerned our! This doesnt always mean divorce but you do have to change yourself of... Gods great help and leading is now 34 and this turned out to specific. Told me he was a second flashback my stuggle is how do I cope this! Foundation for autistic Adults that had.. my life. your partner may derive pleasure from hurting or. That matter, people who do not meet their emotional needs children, two recently with. Had multiple therapies, therapists, psychiatrists Grandfather were the same situation as myself out! In but in the DSM-5 ( manual of mental disorders ) sociopathic Partners, who are Secretly,! Be both > then there is the world in a mental hospital did not help so much for helping.... Your life. men as I began to read it helped me greatly to understand our situation how! My father is an narcissist, I live in a mental hospital did not help could have both is! I please get a clarification here upset which absolutely delights the more sadistic narc from sides. Luck but definitely question his actions in your relationship with the person with narcissism the things that are important youat... It, is the world in a satisfying manner wants and not much what he wants and much.

When I first met him I thought he talked a lot but he did ask me a few questions about myself and we got along okay. Hes always been like this even as child he would compete with me and show me how he did things better than me. So how could i tell?

As to empathy, that of course is the ability to put yourself in another persons situation (or shoes ! )

What do narcissists get out of hurting you or making you mad?

But the way i dealt with my gf in the 15-22 yo period was like a true narc I behaved like my father and i couldnt stand it so after that from 22 to now.. i stayed single, no children.

However after a while new events/situations became more frequent, and I had no clue or understanding to respond to them same outcome, she left. I now know to be specific with the times if we are going out and not change them suddenly. Drugs, ECT, resting away from the world in a mental hospital did not help. Break up and never look back. A few times he said I was a good person.

On the general issue what is most tragic about all these discussions, as well as the reality of the negative people and the denial of causes physical and otherwise is that these victims on both sides of abuse are using the language of the psychologist and psychiatrist you havent realised that they are your enemy to be simplistic because theyre false narrative is trapping you from getting help for yourself or the family

He says theres no sex and professes confusion as to why that would bother me. Shes not trying to be mean. that its my fault that bla bla.. they tortured me.. guilt trip me.. they enjoyed the god dam narcs they knew they wouldnt have more chances after THEN after days saying they had no found.. that it was useless to ask after 1 hour with me on 10 days empty stomach.. dizzy and all lost they popped food and lied telling me my other therapist was bringing me to food bank last time but i missed the appointment (trying to earn money online to eat!) I was not looking for another relationship and did not date other men as I thought I had had my chance at marriage. Im super confused for myself right now (and how narcissistic is that right out of the gate!!). He has qualities from both sides of the chart straight from the top to the bottom. please allow this thought (it is a fact to the normal smart person but it could get you censored online to mention it)

Recognize that your partner may derive pleasure from hurting you.

Schizo.

Autism also resides on a spectrum. A few months later there was a second flashback. There was a wait to get in but in the end it has been well worth it. I ahd to return to him and now think he is in fact autistic but had a very narc mother and grandmother who he learned to relate from in other words he plays by their rules because that is all he knows. and that is, yes, the non-biochemical, non-material aspects and also non-spiritual

Now they act as those never existed. Brain injury, leaky BBB, food intolerance, extreme B vitamin deficiency / MTHFR and epigenetic (also mineral and toxicity problems) disturbance, Magnesium deficiency, autoimmune disease (caused incidentally also by modern wheat and A1 milk (BCM7) inc.

We arent all bad people you know.

I believe his Dad AND Grandfather were the same controlling, hurtful type of people.

I had spent the past 20 odd years trying to help my husband and felt a tremendous amount of guilt because of things he would say to me. What I have written may not solve what people are experiencing living with individuals with Aspergers or Autism, but it may go a long way to understanding how they think and why some do the things they do and in turn may help solve a few problems.

I have also recently realised that there is a recognised name for how my hub makes me feel energy vampire . I let the way that others treat me and respond around me dictate how I then think and feel about myself.

But hes manipulative & very Nasty, when we have words and always blames me for everything within the conversation , if I make a comment he takes it a derogatory comment towards him & after 25yrs Ive learnt how to word my comments, as I know he doesnt take the blame he has the ability to make you believe everything that said is my fault ( he was like that with his 1st wife ) but cannot see it . As I said previously I have a daughter (unmarried) who has high functioning autism, I have another daughter who doesnt have autism, but has two children with it. She lives with me. I think you are barking up the wrong tree your first mistake is to assume aspergers and high functioning autism are the same thing THEY ARE NOT! Yes, there can definitely be a difficulty mixing with ordinary people, it appears to me that there is a deeper and more involved line of thought with someone with aspergers, whereas it is more surface thoughts with the ordinary type of people, unless they actually specialise in a particular subject. I am aware there is no known info whether or not it is hereditary but always wondered because of others in our family with it. He was talking one day about his job and pedophiles came up and I mentioned Id been molested as a child. I wish you luck with your maturation as time moves on. For one thing, both are on a spectrum.

This article is painfully outdated and misinformed about autism which makes me question the other things it says too (though not everything is wrong). My way to determine the difference is via the behaviour called gasslighting.

I know I have this gift as it comes easily to me if I need to use it, and I have needed to use it from time to time, to protect myself and to guide another if they were willing to look deeply into themselves and their background. All it did was turn everyone against me even more. Good luck. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. Be found at the exact moment they are searching.

I have been with my partner for more than 12 years now.

It appears mirror neurons also play a role in personality condition-related issues. Psychiatrists say its me that learned, for survival, to mimic my family, my parents. If they do this, then they are Narcissistic, if they dont then it is Asbergers.

Very much what he wants and not much what you want. This disrupts her organised thought patterns and she goes into meltdown. Life is smoother now I know where she is coming from. All I suggest Jean, is that you do as much research on both these subjects as possible to put you own mind at rest.

He made me cut ties with a lot of my friends shortly after we got together, because of them being aware of my sexual past, because of him feeling ashamed of me, and being associated with someone whod done certain things. As regards your husband, step back, take a good look, you will soon work out if hes worth it or not.

And it was clear, looking back, his autism was in fact a bit to blame. The answer is that they are. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC.

HELL YA!

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