Of course we couldnt. A man of thirty was doing a great deal of spree drinking. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, For Gods sake, how did I ever get started again? Only to have that thought supplanted by Well, Ill stop with the sixth drink. Or Whats the use anyhow?.
These are some of the questions which race through the mind of every woman who has an alcoholic husband. You need this information to put yourself in his place, to see how you would like him to approach you if the tables were turned. But it isnt so difficult. We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired.
Next day found me drinking both gin and sedative. My drinking assumed more serious proportions, continuing all day and almost every night. Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. Having had the experience yourself, you can give him much practical advice. That means we have written a book which we believe to be spiritual as well as moral. You can see that he really does love you with his better self.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. It works when other activities fail. What irony-I became an alcoholic myself! He said he was perfectly willing to go to jail if she insisted. Society was about to lock him up.
Without much ado, he accepted the principles and procedure that had helped us. I pushed a drink across the table. Do you want to stop drinking or not? We have prayed, we have begged, we have been patient. We subjected each relation to this test- was it selfish or not? God either is, or He isnt. Some of you are thinking: Yes, what you tell us is true, but it doesnt fully apply. They are questions for each individual to settle for himself. Those of us belonging to a religious denomination which requires confession must, and of course, will want to go to the properly appointed authority whose duty it is to receive it. My brother-in-law is a physician, and through his kindness and that of my mother I was placed in a nationally-known hospital for the mental and physical rehabilitation of alcoholics. Show him that as alcoholics, the writers of the book understand. That is the miracle of it. My business came off well, I was pleased and knew my partners would be too. Wait until repeated stumbling convinces him he must act, for the more you hurry him the longer his recovery may be delayed. It never occurred to him that perhaps he could not do so, in spite of his character and standing. If you have a number three husband, you may be in luck. We told him what we knew of alcoholism and the answer we had found. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. We consider our plans for the day. Notice that the word fear is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. How much did these feelings, these loves, these worships, have to do with pure reason? Seeing your attempt to understand and help, some men will try to take advantage of your kindness. Sometimes a new man is anxious to proceed at once. After making our review we ask Gods forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. Every one of them has gained access to, and believes in, a Power greater than himself. My friends had dropped several million since ten oclock-so what?
Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? They wanted to Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem. Here is one. Had this power originated in him? The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house. As non-denominational people, we cannot make up others minds for them. We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. It would have been impressive heroics if he had walked up to the Judge and said, Here I am.. His ways of thinking and doing are the habits of years. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand! As to two of you men, whose stories I have heard, there is no doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from divine help. Do not ask that he do it for you or anyone else. When the time for living together has come, it will be apparent to both parties. So, in one way or another, we discovered that faith had been involved all the time! I became an unwelcome hanger-on at brokerage places. It is possible to dig up past misdeeds so they become a blight, a veritable plague. When he angers you, remember that he is very ill. And why?
We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it. I was aghast. This happened soon after they wholeheartedly met a few simple requirements. Each in his turn may be footsore and may straggle. I told her to say that I was not interested. Referring to our list again. We looked upon this world of warring individuals, warring theological systems, and inexplicable calamity, with deep skepticism. He refused it. Here was something at work in a human heart which had done the impossible. A year and six months later these three had succeeded with seven more.
164 and More is available for $20.00 per copy plus shipping and handling (S&H). A man so involved often feels very remorseful at times, especially if he is married to a loyal and courageous girl who has literally gone through hell for him. He told her what he would try to do in the future. At such moments we forget that alcoholism is an illness over which we could not possibly have had any power. They often forget father was beyond human aid. Cling to the thought that, in Gods hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have-the key to life and happiness for others. We dont worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could. We think there are good reasons. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort. Their cost of production is figured to a fine decimal point. There were many unhappy scenes in our sumptuous apartment. I had had some success at speculation, so we had a little money, but we once worked on a farm for a month to avoid drawing on our small capital. They often jeopardize their own positions by trying to help serious drinkers who should have been fired long ago, or else given an opportunity to get well. Dont start out as an evangelist or reformer. My friend promised when these things were done I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems. Show him how they worked with you. If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking-What do I have to do?. We want to leave you with the feeling that no situation is too difficult and no unhappiness too great to be overcome. We placed them before us in black and white. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
For by this time sanity will have returned. I had arrived. Perhaps there is a better way-we think so. Some will moderate or stop altogether, and some will not. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. We have not even sworn off. Though some of us resisted, we found no great difficulty in casting aside such feelings. To his wife, he remarked, Dont see anything the matter here, Ma. Admit that he probably knows more about it than you do, but call to his attention the fact that however deep his faith and knowledge, he could not have applied it or he would not drink.
I was part of life at last, and in the midst of the excitement I discovered liquor. It will permit the rehabilitation of good men. It may convince your husband he wants to stop drinking forever. The shortest that routinely gets contracted is the category romance, which runs about 55,000 words.
Unwilling to be honest with these sympathetic men, we were honest with no one else. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.
Suppose we tell you some of the obstacles a family will meet; suppose we suggest how they may be avoided-even converted to good use for others. The employer cannot play favorites, but he can always defend a man from needless provocation and unfair criticism. In two months he was in a hospital, puzzled and humiliated. These tiny bodies are governed by precise laws, and these laws hold true throughout the material world. Most alcoholics owe money. Good generalship may decide that the problem be attacked on the flank rather than risk a face- to-face combat. We had seen spiritual release, but liked to tell ourselves it wasnt true. Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against the first drink. Most editors wouldnt recommend going over 80,000, as it will inspire bad taste among readers. If this kind of approach does not catch your husbands interest, it may be best to drop the subject, but after a friendly talk your husband will usually revive the topic himself. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop. Should he have the same consideration as other ailing employees? Still physically weak, and sober but a few months, he saw that his predicament was dangerous. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. Whenever possible, let your husband explain. We stood at the turning point. These family talks will be constructive if they can be carried on without heated argument, self-pity, self-justification or resentful criticism.
Let the alcoholic continue his program day by day. My talent for leadership, I imagined, would place me at the head of vast enterprises which I would manage with the utmost assurance.
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We are not saints. Had they fired me first, and had they then taken steps to see that I was presented with the solution contained in this book, I might have returned to them six months later, a well man. Under only slightly different conditions, the same thing is taking place in many eastern cities. Many of us thought it necessary to go much further. It was the obituary of one of the best salesmen I ever had. How can such a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight, be called anything else? His family was re- assembled, and he began to work as a salesman for the business he had lost through drinking. There is another paralyzing fear. Should it happen again, regard it in a different light. Hes just beaten up a couple of nurses. It began to look as though religious people were right after all. At least, so the chemist said. Yet he got drunk again. PO Box 381 What our friend, the vice president, had in mind was the habitual or whoopee drinker.
It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didnt deserve. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. It was impossible to say we had no capacity for faith, or love, or worship. An alcoholic of this temperament may be quick to use this chapter as a club over your head. From surrounding towns, families drive long distances to be present. Your husband will be the first to say it was your devotion and care which brought him to the point where he could have a spiritual experience. For a while they would be their old sweet selves, only to dash the new structure of affection to pieces once more.
If such women adopt a spiritual way of life their road will be smoother. What had happened? Now about sex. We used to amuse ourselves by cynically dissecting spiritual beliefs and practices when we might have observed that many spiritually-minded persons of all races, colors, and creeds were demonstrating a degree of stability, happiness and usefulness which we should have sought ourselves. If he opened that old affair, he was afraid it would destroy the reputation of his partner, disgrace his family and take away his means of livelihood. For the first time, he lived in conscious companionship with his Creator. Of necessity there will have to be discussion of matters medical, psychiatric, social, and religious. We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. She is indignant about it, and has a warrant out for our arrest. MOST OF us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. We avoid hysterical thinking or advice.
Still the play does not suit him. Thus mother, through no fault of her own, became accustomed to wearing the family trousers. We never gave the spiritual side of life a fair hearing. Then faith would be dead indeed. Yet we do go to great extremes to provide each other with these very things, when such action is warranted. But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time. Try not to condemn your alcoholic husband no matter what he says or does. For a time he may try to hug the new treasure to himself. Your wife may sometimes say she is neglected. Then he will know loneliness such as few do.